Post by Mana on Feb 15, 2007 23:49:06 GMT -5
12/30/06
3:30AM
Yet again I sit awake in my bed, wondering about past events in my life. I remember a time where I thought there were still some good people left in my home town. As it turned out, only one remained true to his word, but I hurt him terribly and I can't live with it even to this day.
Suitiko was my best friend in high school, I didn't know it at the time, but a rumor was going around the school that he had this thing for me. I don't really know why it was such a big deal that we spent so much time together, making up songs, I would sing them, and he'd play the guitar to go along. I still smile at the memory, eventually there came a time when we were going on a car trip to his parents cabin to go hiking that weekend. What I didn't know was that it would change the way I saw Suitiko forever. Not as the pale, skinny boy with abnormally long, sky blue hair, but so much more. That was the time I realized I was in love with this boy, despite our age difference. He was only fifteen, and me, I was seventeen. We were sitting on the couch, I was flipping through the radio stations, searching for the one that got the best reception when he came out with an odd question, claiming it was only hypothetical.
"What would you do if I told you I loved you?" he asked me, at first the meanin g of his words didn't quite sink in, but then I turned my head to look at him. I could see in his golden-brown eyes a new warmth as he met my gaze. I froze up, slightly surprised at first, at how easily the answer came to me. All I could remember was the moment after, our first kiss, the sensation of his lips on mine, my fingers entangling themselves in his sky-colored hair. I remember another time at the cabin, when we were listening to the radio, this time it was actually coming through alright. It was one of my personal favorites, though now I can't even remember the band name. It was the second day of our stay at the cabin, but niether of us had spoken a word of the question, the kiss, nor the space between them afterwards. Now it was I who brought it up, although I wasn't really positive, I know that I really did love him, when I was so uncertain of what I was feeling then.
"We kissed? Didn't we?"I asked softly, my voice, I knew, was hardly heard over the rain pouring outside. I had been staring down at the floor, or my hands, now I can't remember which. Suitiko hadn't moved, nor spoken a word, but he had taken my actions as that of rejection, and he was extremely upset/depressed. I couldn't bear seeing him that way, as it was throughout our relationship after that day. I scooted across the couch to sit next to him, circling my arm around him as I pulled him against me. "I'm just in shock, it's not everybody you end up kissing your best friend, if you're a guy, that is,"I had murmured, closing my eyes, smiling a little as I felt him snuggle up against me.
I can't, the memories are so happy that they kill me inside, I don't want anyone to know what I did to break his heart. I know I shouldn't have, even if I had turned 20. Yeah, we were together that long. I remember it, We were together for almost five years, although I had been forced to leave at such short notice, I don't think I could've given him what he had seemed to be searching for to begin with. I did break up with him, although I was the one who was weeping as he turned away from me. At this I can't help but wonder what things would've been like if I had brought him here with me. He's probably got someone else now, someone that deserves him. It's almost New Years Day, I can't way to forget, already my emotions are beginning to fade, and than kfully, no one is bold enough to actually try and get to know me yet.
3:30AM
Yet again I sit awake in my bed, wondering about past events in my life. I remember a time where I thought there were still some good people left in my home town. As it turned out, only one remained true to his word, but I hurt him terribly and I can't live with it even to this day.
Suitiko was my best friend in high school, I didn't know it at the time, but a rumor was going around the school that he had this thing for me. I don't really know why it was such a big deal that we spent so much time together, making up songs, I would sing them, and he'd play the guitar to go along. I still smile at the memory, eventually there came a time when we were going on a car trip to his parents cabin to go hiking that weekend. What I didn't know was that it would change the way I saw Suitiko forever. Not as the pale, skinny boy with abnormally long, sky blue hair, but so much more. That was the time I realized I was in love with this boy, despite our age difference. He was only fifteen, and me, I was seventeen. We were sitting on the couch, I was flipping through the radio stations, searching for the one that got the best reception when he came out with an odd question, claiming it was only hypothetical.
"What would you do if I told you I loved you?" he asked me, at first the meanin g of his words didn't quite sink in, but then I turned my head to look at him. I could see in his golden-brown eyes a new warmth as he met my gaze. I froze up, slightly surprised at first, at how easily the answer came to me. All I could remember was the moment after, our first kiss, the sensation of his lips on mine, my fingers entangling themselves in his sky-colored hair. I remember another time at the cabin, when we were listening to the radio, this time it was actually coming through alright. It was one of my personal favorites, though now I can't even remember the band name. It was the second day of our stay at the cabin, but niether of us had spoken a word of the question, the kiss, nor the space between them afterwards. Now it was I who brought it up, although I wasn't really positive, I know that I really did love him, when I was so uncertain of what I was feeling then.
"We kissed? Didn't we?"I asked softly, my voice, I knew, was hardly heard over the rain pouring outside. I had been staring down at the floor, or my hands, now I can't remember which. Suitiko hadn't moved, nor spoken a word, but he had taken my actions as that of rejection, and he was extremely upset/depressed. I couldn't bear seeing him that way, as it was throughout our relationship after that day. I scooted across the couch to sit next to him, circling my arm around him as I pulled him against me. "I'm just in shock, it's not everybody you end up kissing your best friend, if you're a guy, that is,"I had murmured, closing my eyes, smiling a little as I felt him snuggle up against me.
I can't, the memories are so happy that they kill me inside, I don't want anyone to know what I did to break his heart. I know I shouldn't have, even if I had turned 20. Yeah, we were together that long. I remember it, We were together for almost five years, although I had been forced to leave at such short notice, I don't think I could've given him what he had seemed to be searching for to begin with. I did break up with him, although I was the one who was weeping as he turned away from me. At this I can't help but wonder what things would've been like if I had brought him here with me. He's probably got someone else now, someone that deserves him. It's almost New Years Day, I can't way to forget, already my emotions are beginning to fade, and than kfully, no one is bold enough to actually try and get to know me yet.
